You Never Know

Right after my brain tumor was discovered I was put on steroids to decrease swelling in my brain. I was on them for about three months. One of the common side effects of this type of steroid is mood swings.  At doctor appointments they would ask if I’d been experiencing mood swings and I’d say, “No, not too much,” then Tony would raise his eyebrows and smile a little. Hmm, he’s very diplomatic.

On, Wednesday, October 14, 2009, Tony and I went to Birmingham to get the results from my biopsy that was done a week before. I still had pain from where the hole was drilled through my skull and from where the four screws from the halo device had been screwed into my head for the surgery. We found out about the type of tumor I have and about the size of it. A neurosurgeon was there who explained that the tumor was inoperable. Options were explained to us and we decided to go ahead with radiation and chemotherapy beginning the following week. We went to another building for a CT scan and had a mask made that I wore every day during radiation so that my head would be in exactly the same position each time. It was a long, physically and emotionally draining day.

By the time we made it back to Florence it was late in the evening but we needed a few things from Wal-Mart. After we got the things we needed we got in line to check out. There were not many people there but there was one man in front of us. He just had a few items. He took the items out of his cart, put them on the counter, walked around his cart, paid for his items and then walked away, leaving his cart right in front of the counter. I did not think twice. I took my cart and shoved his cart just hard enough for it to bump into him and said, “How rude!” He just gave me a look and left the store.

I’ve thought about this incident a lot since then. Every now and then I feel a tiny bit guilty (though not often, I admit). Mostly what I think about is that we have no idea what the people around us are going through at any given time.  That man had no idea what I was going through. The cashier who isn’t friendly might be going through a divorce. People all around us are finding out that they have cancer, that their children have learning disabilities, that parents have Alzheimer’s, that they have lost jobs. I have never been known as a patient person and I really have to struggle with that now especially on days that I don’t feel well. That’s why I try to remind myself of that day in Wal-Mart. That man didn’t know what I was feeling but I also have no idea what problems he might have in his life.